Most pets don’t like going to the vet, so taking them for a visit can be stressful for everyone involved. While no one likes to see their pet feel uncomfortable, the Carroll County Veterinary Clinic posts funny messages outside their office to brighten everyone’s days, including their scared patients.
Your furry friends might not be able to read the messages, but their human companions can get a laugh out of these messages. From philosophical questions to punny quotes, the clinic’s messages are relatable for everyone who passes the sign. Whether you have a pet or not, these signs are sure to make you laugh.
You Can Always Count on a Chihuahua
Many people have heard the philosophical question, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it make a sound?” Many have pondered this question, but the Carroll County Vet Clinic finally found a solid answer. Even if no one is around, a chihuahua 500 miles away will hear it.
Chihuahuas get a bad rep for being “yappy” dogs because they bark at even the faintest noises. Sometimes humans don’t even know what their chihuahuas are barking at. Therefore, if a chihuahua is barking at nothing, it probably heard a tree fall 500 miles away.
A Big Shock
There is nothing natural about hearing a parrot talk. We don’t know why they can mimic us or why anyone would want to have a talking bird in their home, but we never thought about the first person who heard a parrot talk. One second you assume, it’s just a pretty bird, and then it starts talking.
Whoever heard a bird talk for the first time must have thought they were going insane. Imagine having someone try to convince you their parrot could talk. That person must have been institutionalized for making such outrageous claims. Sadly, their “outrageous” claims were true, and now people praise talking parrots.
Man’s Best Friend
If you have ever had a dog in your life, you understand how special the bond is between you and your furry friend. It’s sad to think that you are your dog’s whole life, but they are only around for a portion of your life. That’s why the word “dog” is too short for what they bring to our lives.
Dogs love their humans unconditionally, so having a three-letter word to describe them doesn’t do them justice. They are loyal companions who can help people heal, survive, and find happiness again. We don’t deserve dogs because they are too amazing.
Have you ever tried to sneak a pill into your dog’s food, and no matter how well you hide it, it always ends up spit out on the floor? Dogs will eat pretty much anything until they are presented with medication. Suddenly, they turn into food critics with Gordon Ramsay’s palette.
You can cover the pill in peanut butter, cheese, or chicken; your dog will always pick up on the trick. As long as your dog doesn’t start calling you an “idiot sandwich,” then all you have to worry about is getting them to swallow a pill. That’s still mission impossible.
What’s the Difference?
The weirdest thing happened at the doctor the other day. The doctor told us we needed exercise, but when we told him we had been going to McDonald’s more frequently, he looked confused. Apparently, he said “exercise,” not “extra fries.” It was an honest mistake.
You have to admit that exercise and extra fries sound very similar. This is an example of what is known as a malapropism when someone uses an incorrect but similar-sounding word. Has this happened to you? It explains why we ended up at McDonald’s instead of the gym.
Who Needs a Doorbell?
If you own a dog, there is no need to get a doorbell. Whenever a dog hears someone approaching the front door, they start barking like crazy. Clearly, the inventor of doorbells, Joseph Henry, did not have a dog when he invented the doorbell in 1831.
While doorbells today have cameras and allow you to talk to visitors without you having to be home, dogs are still useful alert systems. They will start barking before a guest even gets to ring the doorbell. That’s much more efficient than a regular bell.
Lose One, Find Another
While many of the quotes on the sign are pet related, sometimes it’s more general. Like many of us, you have probably fallen victim to your dryer when it steals your socks. You might put a pair of socks in, but only one comes out, like the Hunger Games.
Just as a single sock returns, a Tupperware lid appears in your cabinet that doesn’t fit the other containers. There must be a portal to another universe where odd socks and container lids float around between the dryer and your kitchen cabinets.
No Respect for Authority
Many studies have found that cats can memorize about 120 commands because they have long and short-term memories. However, you will probably never see a cat obey any of those commands because they have no respect for authority. They refused to be bossed around.
Cats are much smarter than most people think and don’t care what you want them to do. If your cat refuses to listen to you, it’s not because they don’t understand. It’s because they are lazy and don’t want to do what you say.
Welcome to Your New Hive
Whoever thought of this sign clearly has a dad-joke sense of humor. When bees move to a new hive, you might think they have a house “swarming” party, but there is no time for that. You can forget about dancing and eating humburgers because there is too much work.
Bees have to get right to work when they move to a new hive to make sure the queen is happy. There’s no time to say, “Honey, I’m home.” Even though a live performance by Sting would make it a killer (bee) party, that would take away from making honey.
She Believed She Could…
Many people say if you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything. However, there is a loophole to rule: when a cat sits on your lap, you have no choice but to sit still until they move. No matter what you have to do that day, you probably won’t accomplish anything.
It would be wrong to wake a sleeping cat, so it’s probably best to keep them comfortable. Although you might not accomplish the tasks you had planned, at least you go to spend a few hours listening to your cat purring as they sleep peacefully.
I Demand a (Calorie) Refund!
Have you ever eaten something you thought would be amazing but was definitely not worth the calories? It’s frustrating to have eaten the calories even though it wasn’t enjoyable. That’s why there should be a calorie refund so you can eat something else you enjoy.
Imagine eating a bad slice of pizza and being able to get a calorie refund so you can eat a better slice of pizza without worrying about your waistline. That’s a world we would like to live in, even though this kind of sounds like it’s promoting an unhealthy relationship with food.
Feeling Like a Good Girl
When you’re in the shower and quickly grab for the shampoo, it’s not hard to confuse your shampoo for your dogs if you keep them next to each other. Instead of developing canine powers like a strong sense of smell or powerful hearing, there isn’t much of a change.
The vet clinic owner accidentally used her dog’s shampoo, and the only noticeable difference was feeling like a good girl. Maybe the next time she stretches, someone will say, “Good stretch!” At least her hair looks as shiny as a golden retriever.
Dog Hair Everywhere
If you have a dog, you are probably used to having pet hair on every piece of clothing and surface in your home. It makes you wonder how your dog has any hair left when they shed enough to make a second dog.
You have probably invested in many lint rollers, special vacuum attachments, and shedding brushes to keep up with all the dog hair. However, it never seems like it’s enough to capture all of the hair. But when you love your pet, all the hair is worth it.
Not Running Feels Better
Do you know what’s better than running? Not running. Most people love or hate running, there is no in-between, and we are on the hate side. Running wrecks your knees, bones, and feet, and plenty of other fun workouts keep you healthy without the pain.
This sign speaks to us because not running feels so much better than running. If you want your knees to work even when you start to get old, you might want to try a different workout instead of running. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Not Morning People
If you live in the country or on a farm, you have probably been woken up by a rooster at least once in your life. They start making noise at an ungodly hour, which is nature’s cruel joke for a wake-up call.
However, if we started screaming as soon as we woke up, people would think we were crazy. Even if it’s unacceptable, there are days when we wake up and want to scream. Why do roosters get to express themselves by screaming when we aren’t allowed to?
A Side Hustle
The Carroll County Vet Clinic staff aren’t only focused on household pets and answering philosophical questions. They make punny jokes too. Instead of Tinder, the vet opened a new dating app called Feathers for roosters to connect with hens. It earned her some eggs-tra cash.
It appears that working at a vet isn’t enough to cover all their bills, so creating the dating app became a second job. Even if Feathers doesn’t take off, the sign made people smile as they drove by. That makes the eggs-tra effort worth it.
Squats! Squats! Squats!
The message on the sign will change the way you think about exercising forever. Whenever you drop food on the floor, picking it up counts as a squat. If you want to make it even more interesting, licking crumbs off the floor counts as a plank.
If food motivates you to get more movement throughout the day, then this workout tip is for you. You can also try taping a candy bar to your treadmill or do pushups over a donut so you can take a bite with every rep.
Is Checked Emotional Baggage Free?
Instead of packing bags full of clothes for a fun vacation, we have to deal with all our emotional baggage. At least when you fly, emotional baggage gets to go on the plane for free, and there is no weight limit.
Taking a vacation is probably cheaper than therapy, so maybe we should pack our bags and emotional baggage for an island getaway. Our suitcases would be pretty excited to know they still get to go on vacation this year. At the same time, this is probably a sign to call our therapists.
Not Just a Man’s Best Friend
They say dogs are a man’s best friend and diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but that’s not always true. Many women would probably prefer a dog instead of diamonds. Marilyn Monroe can keep all her diamonds because we prefer a bucket of puppies any day.
The women who say they would rather have diamonds than a dog have probably never had a dog. If you give them a dog, they will probably change their answers. Dogs are the ultimate best friend for everyone, regardless of gender.
But First, Coffee!
If you are anything like us, you need your morning coffee before anyone speaks to you. In case you needed a word for that feeling, the vet clinic created a word to describe it. Procaffeinating is when you don’t do anything until you have had your first cup of coffee.
Procaffeinating is a mix of procrastinating and caffeinating, which is exactly what we do until the caffeine starts working. The people who can be productive and function before they have had coffee are superhumans. How is it possible to do anything without coffee?
Let Them Nap
If there is anything you can take away from this article, it’s never to wake up a napping person. Unless the person requested that you wake them up at a specific time, it’s best to let someone get their much-needed rest. It’s their body’s way of telling them they need a break.
Unless someone has been sleeping all day, let your loved one get an extra hour of sleep. A little cat nap never hurt anybody, especially a cat. The vet knows what she is talking about, so take her advice.
Hummus a Tune
Just when you thought dad jokes couldn’t get any more corny, they go into the category of chickpeas. The Black Eyed Peas might be able to use a lot of autotune to sing a song, but the chickpeas just need a blender to “hummus” a tune.
On a scale of one to dad joke, this pun maxes out the scale. Hide it from all the dads, or you will have to hear it every time you are at a party and hummus is on the table. Just don’t drop your pita chip.
Who’s Your Boss?
As we said before, cats can remember and understand up to 120 commands. But they usually don’t listen to anyone because they are in charge. Even if you try to convince your cat that you are the boss, they will disagree because cats always think they are in charge.
They might let you pet them every so often and purr as they sleep on your lap, but don’t be confused. Those small moments of affection are to trick you into being their human food dispensers. Cats rule the world; don’t get it twisted.
You Can Do It All
Who said you couldn’t be an early bird and a night owl? Whoever told you that has never had a messed up sleep schedule. Some people stay up all night and work all day. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t be both.
If you mess up your sleep schedule, you, too, can be a night owl and an early bird. Forget catching a worm because you can have a late-night breakfast burrito, which sounds much tastier than a worm. Morning sunlight can also fix your sleep schedule.
It’s Called Modern Art
Cats have been part of art since ancient Egyptian times. They are regal and sit around as if they are waiting for their servants to bring them a bowl of milk. While they look so cute and fancy one minute, they are throwing up on your new carpet the next moment.
Maybe it’s their way of telling them they love you or reminding you that they are in charge. If you want to save your nice furniture, take your cat to an easy-to-clean surface as soon as they start drooling, licking their lips, and retching.
Does He Take Insurance?
Dad jokes have re-entered the chat. Swallow the soda before you read this one, so it doesn’t come out of your nose. The bubbles could hurt your nostrils and send you to the doctor. At least Dr. Pepper is the on-call Fizzician.
Don’t worry; Dr. Pepper got his “fizziology” degree from the University of Minnesoda. It’s an accredited university for soda specialists, not to be confused with the University of Minnesota. Unfortunately, most insurance companies don’t cover him, but he doesn’t cost more than a few dollars.
Plants Have Feelings
Many studies have shown that plants react to certain types of music or the way people talk to them. If you are mean to your plant, the other plants will photosympathise with it. Be careful; that might take energy away from the photosynthesizing process.
Some puns hit, and others make people scratch their heads in confusion. At least this pun makes sense to everyone who has passed third-grade science. Since plants have emotions, it’s not so far-fetched to think they can sympathize with each other.
When you really think about it, jellyfish really are like the ghosts of the ocean. They are translucent and float around like how we imagine a ghost would. The only difference between a jellyfish and a ghost is that a jellyfish is wet.
If that is the only difference between jellyfish and ghosts, could ghosts be considered dry jellyfish? If you ever see a ghost, ask them how they would feel about being called a dry jellyfish. Maybe that’s offensive to ghosts and jellyfish, so it’s worth asking.
It’s hard to figure out if a product will be reliable unless you use it or read many reviews. However, there are two sure ways to know if an animal is reliable: if it barks or purrs. You should probably read some reviews if the animal makes any other noise.
If the animal buzzes, hisses, rattles, or roars, run away as quickly as possible. And if you hear an animal laugh, it’s probably a hyena, and you are screwed because the joke is on you.
The Dad Joke of all Dad Jokes
Although this sign bothers us because it is missing punctuation, we can understand the joke. If you had trouble reading this without punctuation, it is supposed to sound like, “When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.”
Some people don’t have to be dads to make dad jokes, but it’s usually a dad who enjoys and says the jokes. They fall into a special category of jokes because they are so bad; they are almost good. There is more to being a dad than dad jokes.
Good Still Exists
With so many bad things happening in the world, it’s hard to stay hopeful that good still exists. However, there is one sure way to know that good things still exist in the world because they come in the form of furry four-legged friends.
Dogs are loyal companions, provide therapy, can detect cancer, and sniff out bombs, drugs, and diseases. They even save people from accidents. Dogs are living proof that there is something positive on this planet to give us all hope.
Don’t Be Sad
The staff at Carroll County Vet Clinic have been making people laugh for a few years because of their signs. They want to bring joy to everyone that passes their office, and they finally took the time to explain why they want everyone to be happy.
You are not allowed to be sad because it’s not good. At least, that’s what the sign says. And if the sign declares something, it’s probably true. It might not be one of their funniest jokes, but at least they tried, and we give them an A for effort.
No Apologies Here
Out of all the messages the clinic has posted, this is the most accurate. Cats do things to annoy you or make you angry deliberately. For example, they will watch you say no repeatedly as they push a glass off a table or a vase off a shelf.
Although they do things that make you want to scream, they will never apologize. You might love them because of their cute faces and adorable paws, but never let a cat fool you. You have to watch your back when cats are around.
Have you ever noticed that tacos and nachos are pretty much the same things with different presentations? Nachos are what messy chefs would call deconstructed tacos. They have all the same ingredients, but tacos are more refined in presentation.
While tacos are prettier, nachos are more fun to eat. They make sharing much easier because no one wants to bite a half-eaten taco. Sometimes you crave one or the other, but either will satisfy the craving. Nachos might not have their lives together, but they are everyone’s favorite messy sister.
In movies, actors have stunt doubles, so they don’t have to do anything that could cause injuries. Unfortunately, regular people don’t have that courtesy in everyday life. We have to perform our own stunts, and the injuries are real when we get hurt.
The people who work at the vet clinic probably slip in puddles of pee and land on their behinds quite often. That is a dangerous stunt to perform, but instead of going to the hospital, they can have their colleagues fix their injuries.
There is plenty of advice on the internet about what to do when certain animals chase you. For example, when an alligator chases you, you are supposed to run in a zig-zag pattern. However, no one has ever told us what to do when a taxidermist runs after us.
While some animals have a defense mechanism of playing dead, that would not be a good idea in this situation. Never play dead if a taxidermist is chasing you. They stuff and preserve dead things, so that would not protect you.
A Fun Ride
Imagine how much more entertaining life would be if you could swing from your ceiling fan. You would probably never be bored again because it would be like having an amusement park ride in your room. However, swinging in circles wouldn’t be good if you get dizzy easily.
As fun as it sounds, swinging from the ceiling fan would probably make most people vomit. Even though it is a cool idea, it’s probably for the best that this is not possible. It seems every habit has its limits.
No Winning Here
As you start to get older, you have to take better care of your health. But it can be stressful because new fears start to creep into your mind, like gaining weight or being sick. Therefore, nothing is scarier than stepping on a scale or taking your temperature.
It’s important to eat healthily, exercise regularly, and get regular check-ups at your nearest clinic. If you do these things, stepping on a scale and taking your temperature won’t be as terrifying. However, we think taking your blood pressure is much more frightening.
Never Grow Up
Have you ever had a year where you felt like nothing exciting or productive happened? It makes you feel like you want to redo the year, so you don’t waste one. Instead of adding a year to your age, you can pretend it’s a redo year.
During the pandemic, we felt like we had lost two years of our lives. Instead of having two birthdays, we are staying the same age we were supposed to turn in 2020 and getting back the ages we lost. Can someone give us a two-year refund?
Always Read the Fine Print
Usually, we skip over the terms and conditions because it is something we will never need to know. The terms and conditions contain many words we don’t understand, which would take ages to read. However, we wanted to read the terms and conditions before entering 2021.
Now that we know 2021 wasn’t much better than 2020, we would like a refund for that year. Things seemed like they would get better, but most of 2021 was spent social distancing and wearing masks. Can we see the terms and conditions before we enter 2023?